2012 II

2012, part II

EIPHNH

From the album "Freddy & artists", by Freddy Konstantinou

(If a slideshow doesn't start or remains blank, press Ctrl-F5)

The extra day of 2012

I was called at 11:00 this morning, by an AEGON-agent. It's an arrangement they have for their customers, in case the latter have questions about complicated subjects, like pensions for instance. I think he made it all quite clear: my pension plan is not bad at all. I'll have to send him some more documents though, in order for him to determine if I have to make any changes. So far, so good.

Today, I got the leakage under my sink fixed, so happy about that!:) Breman did a good job: two nice guys, polite and accurate. I'm going to let them place a new lavatory as well; it's really necessary, because I think this one is from 1965!!;) That will cost around 500 Euros. Fine with me, next month that is.

I just prepared the best vegetarian whole grain pasta bolognese ever! E-mail me for the recipe if you like.

Back to work tomorrow; no meetings, but a busy day nevertheless.

Enjoy your day or your evening, depending on your time zone!;)

God bless you.

My boss came back to work from holiday today: looking good and energized.:) We had a very productive meeting together. Later in the day, we both attended another meeting which also went well. There is some clarity, and some new energy as well, as far as I'm concerned. Let's see what we are able to accomplish in the coming months. I e-mailed everything in more detail to Harry, but I can't share the details on the internet, as you can imagine.

Dinner with Rob @ Kilim was fabulous: wonderful food and good company, as always!:) Don't forget to have dinner there if you visit my city. Of course, we go back a long way, so much to talk about. I'm really excited about his plans to move to Germany, to live with his partner. A huge step, but I think it actually might be very good for him.

Tomorrow, I will be called by an advisor from AEGON, to talk about my pension plan. I've prepared everything, so that shouldn't be a problem. I need to make some arrangements, especially in these economically difficult times.

I had several very nice informal talks with some of my IT-colleagues today; I really can relate to them so much. I also sense their support and their empathy on this journey I'm on at work. I appreciate that a lot. Very inspiring people.

Unfortunately, today I had to call in sick.:( This doesn't just mean I've missed two important meetings (of course, I notified the colleagues early this morning), but it also means I'll miss the quiz!:( It's the sensible thing to do though: I really need to rest, because I have to go to work tomorrow, no matter what (two other important meetings). I don't feel well at all, quite frankly........

I have the same, gloomy feeling as I was having in April last year; very uncomfortable, apart from the physical discomfort. I'd like to think I'm trying my utmost to get out of this mood. So, last night (I couldn't sleep anyway, as usual) I just asked myself some important questions: do you like your house? Do you like your friendships? Do you like your relationship? Do you like your job? Are you proud of what you have accomplished? How do you perceive yourself? The answers to most of those questions were actually quite positive (relationship, friendships, house etc.). Still, I feel like I'm in a dramatic frenzy, an operatic scenery with death, decay, and debris everywhere.

The hunters' choir from Carl Maria von Weber's "Der Freischütz" ("The safeguard"):

Despite illness, I did some necessary chores in my apartment, because I don't like sitting on the couch the whole day, or laying in bed for that matter. Though I finally fell asleep around 08:00 and woke up by 11:00. Felt a bit better, not much. Although I only work for two days this week (Wednesday off as usual and Friday as it's my birthday, not appropriate to celebrate that in any way at work right now), these might be a very crucial two days.

This in fact is the Crowley Tarot "responsibility" card, or rather "ownership" card. It's all up to us, in the end.

I'm most definitely looking forward to seeing my friend Rob again tomorrow evening. We'll have dinner at Kilim's, one of the best Turkish restaurants in The Netherlands, owned by Karsu Dönmez's parents who have become friends of mine over the years. Birgül, her mother, used to be my coworker at the good old Slotervaart.

Wow! That's a good song isn't it?:) This is Karsu's FaceBook-page. She's leaving for Istanbul tomorrow, with her father, so the latter told me on the phone just now. Have a great trip and a good performance!:)

I'll keep you posted on everything that happens this week, be safe! God bless you.

Everything passes and hardly anything will matter five years from now, except the loss of our loved ones. This is what I was thinking on my way home from Harry's today, after we'd talked about the situation at work. Let's see what the week brings.......

Tomorrow, I have two meetings which might help and inspire me a bit. I just need to re-find my energy, my courage to change things in the direction I want them to go. Tuesday, my ex-colleague, Rob, and I are going out for dinner. It's been ages since I've seen him! I'm also going to the quiz @ Hole in the wall tomorrow night. It might distract me a bit, which is a good thing.

And it's the week of my birthday! 2nd March, I'm going out for drinks with friends (predominantly ex-colleagues of Harry's, actually). I won't be at work on my birthday: I took the day off. We are going to The Sopranos piano bar. Never been there, sounds like fun.

It was nice to have dinner @ Harry's. He cooked a great meal, again.:) I also am very happy that "Ik hou van Holland" is back on RTL!:) "Nick tegen Simon" is nice, but still.......

This wasn't the easiest week of my life, to say the least. I'll try to make the best of the coming one........

A very nice and unexpected present from Georgetine: a blue painting with 4 African women (I have no clue from which country.....). Looking at it right now, beautiful!:) Sorry, I have no picture and no camera either. I'll post it later.;)

Is my head clearer than yesterday, or the day before yesterday? No, it isn't, I am still confused about work and I have no idea what I should do, which measures to take, what to say, how to react..........So actually, I might as well have gone to work yesterday instead of following the well-meant and caring advice of my boss. Go figure.......

The weather is gorgeous in Amsterdam: sunshine and a bit of wind. Incredible, as it's 25th February! Perhaps I will cycle to Harry's later. I'm not sure yet.

Enjoy your weekend and be safe, people! Life is a gift, though it definitely s*cks sometimes........

Well, finally reached Georgetine, and going to hers for drinks tonight. It's nice to do something different for a change, because - obviously - I've been preoccupied with work, even if I haven't been at the office for three days.

I also finally got Maria's correct e-mail address; I've had several and they didn't work. Let's hope this one does! It would be nice to speak with her and Nikos again, it's been a while.

Tomorrow, I'll go to Harry's, after the rugby matches which he obviously wants to watch!;) Me? Well, I don't mind, but ehm, not so much! Looking forward to see him again of course, and maybe he has some ideas for me about what to do with work, because the situation is not easy........

Did you know that rugby players are much more relaxed about homosexuality than soccer players?

For the most part, I've tried to relax and do nice things in the past few days. It worked a bit, but not really. It's all so difficult........

It's good to create some distance from work in this difficult period. On the other hand, I can't wait to experience what will happen next. Exciting times, but also energy-draining times.

Of course, I need some positive things happening very soon, in all aspects of my life, because I feel very close to a burn-out. I can sense myself entering a sphere of lower energy, drinking more, going to bed much too late (because I can't sleep anyway), swallowing pain killers. You know what I mean: the perfect recipe for a downward spiral. Actually, it has been like this for the past few months at least, if not longer.

I discovered a leakage under my bathroom sink; time to call the plumber. Covered it with ducked tape temporarily, but I really don't like that. Hope it's not too expensive. This apartment definitely needs more repairs and other things done. Let's see if I can make a start with that this year. The first thing is that I'm going to buy a new bed 7th March. I really need that, because I've been sleeping on a very old one, with a futon, which is not good for my back, shoulders, and neck. It's the bed I brought from the apartment I shared with my ex. Time to move on.

I'll be back at work on Monday, advice from my boss to stay at home tomorrow as well. Tomorrow night Georgetine and I are supposed to have dinner together, however I haven't heard from her yet (left a voicemail message). Hope everything is OK.

Some days just go into a certain direction without me having any influence on it whatsoever, at least, it seems that way today. Unexpected twists and turns at work (no details, sorry), a completely different result of a meeting, etcetera........It's life I guess.........

Now, I'm looking forward to three nights of good sleep, because I am still completely worn out by everything that's happened, both at work and in private. Thank God I'll be off tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. No work-related e-mails, no phone, nothing. Peace and quiet.

Sometimes my very best obviously isn't good enough. That's the real disappointment. Time to move on: tomorrow it's shopping day. Well, actually I hate shopping, but I'm going to buy some nice (oh, and necessary) things for my house, and maybe some incense. Roses make us cheerful, and lavender calms us, so it seems. I could use both, please!;) Yes, I know, everybody wants me to buy some decent clothes instead of the cr*p I'm wearing right now. Sorry, people, no patience for that. If you care that much, buy me some yourself!;)

Although I could pimp up my jeans like this (but I wouldn't look half as pretty as this guy!);):

Really strange: I slept OK last night, but I was completely exhausted this morning, still having to start the working day. Not very nice. I think the past few weeks at work have been particularly challenging and it's not over yet, not by far.

I came home tonight feeling really feverish and not well at all, so I had to cancel the quiz, unfortunately.:( I'm already so used to doing that every Monday night........And it's nice to see Harry on a Monday night as well (and our other friends). However, I'm facing another heavy day tomorrow, and I need all the energy I've got left.

Wednesday I'm off anyway, and I've taken Thursday off as well. A sensible thing to do, because the last thing I need is another sick leave, please! In the past few days, I've been thinking: am I just too pessimistic (Harry says I am)? He's right I think. The glass is always half empty as far as I'm concerned. I should celebrate the good results, despite some negative outcome. Loose the "yes, but" and embrace the "yes, and"!

It's all easier said than done. My health is the most important thing right now, but I really want to book some more successes at work. We need that; a young organization with a high level of ambition. We deserve it, our company deserves it. I'll keep you posted!;)

As promised, a slideshow of the pictures Désirée took during the ATWT farewell event yesterday (view blog entry 18th Feb.):

Just before Harry arrived yesterday evening, I discovered some huge technical problems with my web log (right, the one you're on right now!;)): links didn't work anymore, pictures were blank, awful. I spent a few hours repairing most of the errors, with Harry's help that is, because I really had a "little" meltdown as you could imagine......! You probably have noticed the troubles as well (if you are a regular visitor).

I mean, I've "only" had this web log for - oh - ten years or something. Minor point. Aaaarrrggghhh! NOT!

Apart from all this, Harry and I still had a nice time, a late Valentine celebration: I bought him a small bottle of Moët and a heart shaped chocolate. He bought me my favorite Muppet character, Miss Piggy.:) I cooked a rich pasta dinner which was a bit heavy for me (crash-dieting again, I know......), but still good food.

Today, Harry, Désirée, and I went to the As the world turns farewell event @ Studio 21, Hilversum, presented by Peter van der Vorst. I can honestly say we had a great time! Peter van der Vorst did a great job, and I shook hands with all the stars: Lily, Holden, Dusty, Katie, Brad, and Henry. And you all know I love (I mean love honey!) Holden!;) Désirée took some really good pictures, which I will publish soon.

Well, let's hope that my web log will be alright for the coming few days; I'll probably have to ask for more data space on the web server, again *sigh*.

Nice reactions to my interpretation of "Derek" (view below).:) More slideshows by yours truly? Visit my PhotoBucket profile!

A very intense week at work, as well as emotionally, so I'm glad it's over.;) On the other hand, if I truly contemplate on what I have accomplished at work in the past year, I shouldn't be pessimistic at all......we'll see what happens!

Waiting for Harry to arrive in a quarter of an hour: it's our late Valentine dinner. I already cooked our meal yesterday, so not much work today. I hope he'll like it!

ATWT-event is tomorrow afternoon by the way: I'll keep you posted!;) It's more of a Harry & Désirée thing, but I like the actor who played Holden, and he'll be there as well. Lucinda won't be though.......:( She's actually the only reason why I sometimes watch ATWT (it's almost finished in The Netherlands too).

I was pleasantly surprised at work yesterday: a Valentine's present from Harry, delivered at work. A wonderful, big vase with three red roses in an arrangement of fresh green leaves, and artificial red drops in the water. Amazing, thanks darling!:)

I don't have a camera here, but you could compare it with the arrangement below:

Earlier that day, I gave my presentation about service management, during a general meeting of our department. People liked it very much, because the seriousness of the subject from time to time was exchanged for a bit of wit and irony. So, I was quite happy afterwards, especially because I had been able to get my points across.

After work, I went to visit my friend and colleague, Mila. She cooked a great and healthy vegetarian dinner, absolutely gorgeous. It was the first time I had the opportunity to meet her children and her husband, which was great as well. Lots of talks about work, obviously, but about good living and good food as well. She lives in Osdorp and I live in Buitenveldert (both Amsterdam, west and south respectively), so I spent almost 50 minutes cycling home, but I liked that as well: it always clears my head after a busy day.:) So happy that I finally could sleep in for a bit today (which is my day off), I really was craving for that!

I bought a wonderful late Valentine's present for Harry today - we haven't seen each other yesterday, so we'll celebrate Friday. I'm sure he'll love it!:)

It's impossible to think outside the box if you're in it. At least, I think it is. I have been working on a presentation for work, and I told Harry that it was such a dull subject that I was considering canceling it. He came up with some wonderful and fresh ideas though. So, now I will give the presentation Tuesday afternoon. In this case, my partner "pulled me out of the box", so to speak.

Yesterday, I went to Hans & Vittoria's to celebrate their son's birthday. Bought him a coloring book and crayons. He obviously liked it, as he started working on a drawing immediately. Harry couldn't make it, so this time I was on my own. Great to see Hans, Vittoria, and Jaap again! I decided to cycle from my place to Hans & Vittoria's (which is 40 minutes) and from their place to Harry's, in the evening (that is 1.5 hours!). I was exhausted, but it surely cleared my head big time!;) It must have, the weather being as cold as it has been in the past two weeks.

Friday, we had a wonderful gathering at our friend Shila's in Leiden. I went to Station Zuid immediately after work to meet up with Harry, and we traveled to Leiden together, still being completely in working mode, which was odd. Leanne, Désirée, and other friends of Shila's were there as well. We cooked dinner together and had lots of things to catch up on: I hadn't seen Shila for months, and Leanne just had come back from a long visit to her family, Down Under.

I'm not planning to have a hard week at work, because the past week has been really hectic. It's enough for now, time to move on to the next level, with the lessons learned in the back of our heads. Ramon, my boss, is on holiday. He sure deserves it.

Today, Harry and I watched a moving documentary on a gay soccer player who committed suicide after coming out, in 1998.

A good meeting at work, with good results. It was my day off, but I went anyway. Kudos to all the people who attended the meeting.

This was so strange.......the night before last, I complained to my neighbor about the noise he was making (well, my neighbor and his partner). Seriously, it sounded like a herd of elephants marching through my bedroom. However, today in the elevator, his girlfriend addressed me (never seen her before) and she assured me that they were being considerate, and doing their utmost not to cause any noise. And I thought (I knew): "she's right. Something else causes this trouble. Maybe it's the floor, and the way it leads the sound through to the other apartments, something like that". Good to speak with her, because it puts things into perspective. Things never are as they seem, believe me.........

Many people liked my Antzela Dimitriou slideshow yesterday (view below), and I also realized that even more of my visitors love my Antzela Dimitriou page. I am so grateful for that; I truly love to inspire others, the way my heroine inspires me!:)

The strange thing is that most (if not all) of us want a better world. We want to create beautiful things, inspire people, improve things. Don't we? Along the way we still keep hurting others unintentionally. That is life, that is reality.

I'm working through the troubles at work (no details, sorry), and I find myself revived despite everything. I know I'm following the right path, and I know that my boss is supporting me all the way. I definitely am aware of the fact that I am damaged goods. Aren't we all? This is the way I cope with work, with life.

I just realized that Antzela Dimitriou is still my ultimate heroine, so I created this - well - homage to her!:):

Just got a text message from my other half that his team (Wales) has won this afternoon's rugby game. Congratulations everyone! Don't you just love the Welsh?!:)

Harry made a great vegetarian lasagna last night, gorgeous!:) I want more........Unfortunately we finished almost all of it yesterday, LOL!;) We watched two wonderful Graham Norton episodes as well. On my way to Harry's, everybody was freezing cold in metro and tram; I think the heating had broken down or something. Really, I'm a very warm-blooded person, but this wasn't comfortable at all! Get your act together GVB (Amsterdam public transport company)!

I didn't sleep well at all last night: too preoccupied with work and with other issues. Physically, it's still a struggle, especially because of the heart palpitations which really worry me if I am honest........although I know there is nothing physically wrong, still.........

This afternoon, I did a little work for Mariëtte's foundation Uhuru4All, and I also made a letter for my life insurance company to put my partner on my policy as a beneficiary. So, got some little things done. Oh, I also wrote a nice e-mail to our general manager, with some information about my team (servicedesk), which might be useful for him (I hope). I had a good informal meeting with him last Friday, on my initiative.

Harry is watching the rugby matches at home, so I'll go there around 19:00. Not really a rugby-person myself, LOL!;)

If you are comfortable with your own male sexuality, you won't have anything against gays......Remember that, guys......

This afternoon, I watched another episode of "The life of Muhammad" (the episode is mainly in English, so my American visitors can watch it, although the web page is in Dutch). Very interesting indeed! It puts Islam, Muslims, the Arab world in a completely different perspective. A must-see! Even for me, being an arabist, it's an eye-opener.

You might, just as I, object to many contemporary interpretations of, and views on, Islam, but I mean......wow!

"Jammer genoeg" (Dutch for "unfortunately though"), I almost watched an interview with Abou Jahjah, by Anil Ramdas. However, I switched the TV off right on time. Phew! Abou Jahjah - in my opinion - represents polarization between Muslims and non-Muslims, racism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, and sexism. Scum of the earth........And boy, has he become fat or what??;) It probably just was a preview, but still....this man truly makes me throw up.

Apart from some setbacks, work went OK this week. Still a lot to do for me in order to improve the service provided by my team though! I just wonder about the future, that's all.......However, I'm definitely back on earth and fully back at work, despite some physical discomfort. I'm heading (and getting!) there.

Carmen sings, in the opera, "Il est permis d'attendre, il est doux d'espérer" ("It's allowed to wait, hope is sweet")

Amsterdam is very cold (-10 C) and covered in snow. It looks absolutely gorgeous, but the Dutch railway company is still struggling because of the weather circumstances. It's almost funny........if you don't have to catch a train that is!! Poor people stuck at the Dutch railway stations......We are just not used to this, that's probably it.

On this beautiful Wednesday (well, it's -2 C, but the sun is wonderful), I went to the Amsterdam City Spa (V3 Huidinstituut) for a wonderful ham(m)am treatment. Loved it! I still got a gift certificate my colleagues gave me last year on my birthday. I went for the royal treatment: 1.5 hour.;) Very nice people, a gorgeous environment in the center of the city!

It's very cold outside, especially on a bike, but I still love to cycle even in these temperatures. I'm very happy with this Wednesday off every week; it allows me to re-energize and breathe, which I definitely need. Work is going much better though. I just spoke with my boss on the phone about this. He's ill at the moment (it seems as if everybody has stomach flu all of a sudden!). I hope he'll get better soon.

My "intervision"-meeting (I know it's not a proper English term, but we call it that) on Tuesday morning went very well; it's inspiring to share everyday work experiences with other managers and coordinators. I've done three of those meetings so far. The fourth is going to be in April. Especially in a young organization like ours, it's important to share.

I'm gradually creating some order in my financial situation; that is to say, the worst financial troubles are over anyway, but I'm talking about pension, life insurance policies, maybe a new mortgage instead of the one I have now, etcetera. It takes some effort, but it is absolutely worth it. Next week, an advisor of AEGON will contact me to clear some things up about my pension plan. I already prepared the whole conversation, what I want to know, how much I'll be able to pay (more), that kind of things. I've done business with AEGON before, and it works well for me, though some people claim that they have sold some extortionate financial plans in the past. I wouldn't know; the ones I bought are OK, as far as I can see (I already had them checked by an independent third party).

Nevertheless, an NRC-columnist on TV stated that many European financial experts (in the EU) have much less confidence in the financial market than our politicians have (or pretend to have;)). Who's gonna say? I have to make some arrangements anyway, and if the market collapses.........exactly, we'll survive! Back to the lottery, LOL!;)

I wonder if Yolanda Vega still does the USA lottery? I have to admit that I only know her because she's been on........precisely, the Oprah Show!:)